Putting the Pieces Together

Wait a second, I just figured out some information that definitely made my day. Warning, this is probably not going to sound that exciting to anyone else, but I felt like sharing regardless. So in my previous studies, I'd learned that athletes need to make sure they get more Vitamin B, particularly B12, than most people. I just committed this to memory and never asked questions...ok, make sure I get my B12.

Today, I happened to be learning about the cardiovascular system, in particular the red blood cells. Their job is to transport oxygen to the lungs and also to the rest of the cells in our body so that we can function. Because athletes use more oxygen once exercise becomes quite strenuous, the red blood cells have to work much harder. Studies have shown that athletes actually contain twice as many red blood corpuscles as people living sedentary lives! WOW!!

From here, in order for the bone marrow to manufacture more red blood cells, the body needs iron, haemoglobin, Vitamin B12, Folic Acid, and proteins. Now we all know that relatively speaking, athletes tend to require more protein and iron in their diets for "energy". That energy is produced by the oxygen transported by the red blood cells themselves! With low levels of these nutrients, the body cannot manufacture the proper amount of red blood cells to support the activity of a athlete under physical stress. Unbelievable. I love it when things come together and make perfect sense to me! Now I completely understand the vital role of the B vitamins, iron, and of course protein for a dancer such as myself. This is not something to be messed around with. When I'm tired with low stamina, I know exactly what needs to be done.

Yeah for education! haha...I'm a nerd. On that note, I would like to include a video that a friend sent me...it's about 40 day Sadhanas and how they are related to the renewal of our red blood cells. I find it very interesting. Something to think about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxcimeKrfpU

P.S. I would like to clarify a previous statement I made above. (thanks, Dad) Red blood cells do not actually work harder to pump oxygen throughout the body. The body simply requires more of them to accomplish this task. :)

Learning "Nothing"

This week marks the start of Leonce et Lena, the ballet that will open our season in October. It's a new ballet for us, so the choreographer is here with some help to set the piece. The story is new to me, but it's basically a German comedy. It takes place in two different towns in which the people are supposedly rather bored with life. The music that the choreographer (Christian Spuck) decided to use is all quite popular classical music including a lot of waltzes and polkas, adding a very upbeat element to the production. So it's very interesting because the choreography is supposed to represent boredom, but in order to keep the audience intrigued, he added the surprise of extremely happy music to dance to. Even though it's only been a few days, I can tell that we are going to have a lot of fun in the performances. He has opened the door for some creativity on our part, here and there. So it's easy to see that once we get comfortable with the choreography and acting, we'll be able to do a lot with it.

Me... I'm just getting comfortable with the company still! :) Slowly, but surely things will fall into place. Getting up in the morning and going to work is like opening up another door for information to enter...and that's fine with me.

Coming home is a bit of a different story. I'm not going to lie here. It's difficult to come home to an empty house and figure out what I'm going to do with myself. Of course, I always have tons of projects to accomplish and somehow, they always end up getting put off. Yes, I'm that person that has a lot of ambitions, but they tend to be forgotten somewhere down the road. So today I said, "Get out and do something productive!!!" So I did! I set out with my directions, my bus map, and my iPod and I was ready to go! (this is, of course, after work.) I had planned to take a trip to Pier 1 Imports...always nice to find a well-known furnishings store that's not too expensive. Needless to say, after waiting for quite awhile, I realized that the bus that I originally wanted to take was not in service. Nice. I'm smart.

So I figured I'd just get back on the metro, head back down towards home, and stop at Home Depot on the way. I have a few pieces of wooden furniture that are in dire need of staining and refinishing. But after waiting for ten minutes at the bus stop, I realized it was getting late and I didn't feel like starting another trek. I also knew that as soon as I got home, I would start on that project, hence pushing dinner back to probably 10, bedtime to 1:30/2am, and I am not a good dancer/learner after 5 hours of sleep. Some people can do it, and I believe I used to be one of them, but girl's gettin' old!

Why the heck am I sharing this anyways? I suppose I'm just trying to fill the day with some sort of purpose. I like going to bed at night knowing that I've accomplished something. But I think I need to learn that accomplishing nothing IS accomplishing something! It's ok to do nothing...I think. It must be............

I went to see Eat, Pray, Love this weekend and although I (of course) didn't like it as much as the book, I appreciate the reminder of the gifts and lessons I received from the book itself. There's a part when she's in Italy that represents this lesson I think I'm supposed to understand right now. She's talking to her Italian friend, and he says that Italians know and appreciate the ability to do nothing. It's almost as if doing nothing is part of their culture! Well, then she goes to India to learn the ancient practice of meditation...and essentially that's kind of doing nothing as well! Notice thought through an introspective approach. Maybe that's what I need to do while I'm here.

I just started reading this book called Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda. Of course there's accounts of his meditations and it's quite inspiring to read about the gifts he receives when he lifts his thoughts up to his higher self, or God, I suppose in other words. Connecting on a more spiritual sense. Letting go of self, of ego. I would truly love to experience this, but I also know it is hard work. It's not easy to acknowledge your thoughts without judging them. But I think that's the first step. You have to acknowledge your thoughts to realize that you are NOT your thoughts. You are not your emotions. You simply ARE.

Well, I honestly don't even know if I can go on from this point. I must have gotten to the point I was meant to get to when I sat down to right this. I apologize for the randomness of it. I'm sure it may even be slightly boring to read, but oh well! Those are my thoughts for the day!

Nothin' like a new habitat to put you in your place!

I am loooonng overdue for a post here, but I made it to Montreal! It's finally sinking in that I'm here. I think after being in one place for so long, it's hard for me to comprehend that I'm not visiting this place, but I'm making it my home. I was very lucky to have Pete and Kim here with me from the beginning. They really helped make the move less drastic, at first.

I don't think you can ever really understands how stressful a move can be until you actually experience it. I've moved a few times now, but each time I forget how crazy it is! Each time I've moved, something new is added to the load of stress. The first time, it was to New York. While moving away from my family as I knew it for the first time was difficult, I was young and moving into a dorm situation which was a simple and shelterd transition. Then, it was down to Miami. This time was different with the added stress of living in my own place and actually having to cook for myself everyday...which may have seemed somewhat daunting at the time, but I EASILY adapted and really started to grow my passion for cooking! I also lived with roommates for a couple of years and in furnished apartments, so again the transition was gradual. Finally, I moved into my own place and had to furnish it myself! I was adding more to this growing collection of "stuff" I'd already attained. It's amazing how much we collect over the years! Anyways, this apartment that I lived in alone truly TRULY gave me the chance to explore my identity. I lived here for...was it four years? I completely lost track, but it was an incredible four years. That was the first time I was able to experience life living alone. I explored my creativity with decorating, painting, cooking (because who wants to cook something for the first time, hand it out to friends, have it taste like crap, and....then what? It's like the blue soup in Bridget Jones' Diary!) Anyways, I think I really found myself during those years, and for this reason that apartment holds a special significance in my heart.

Then, it was time to get practical! With the downturn of the economy, I needed to save money and cut corners in any way possible. Luckily, my dearest friend Kyra (previous posts will describe her fabulousness) needed a roommate. Well, I don't need to dive into that story as I already have in another post. Needless to say, that presented yet another opportunity to grow and learn to downsize:) That was definitely a cleansing year.

So after moving numerous times, it was time to move to a different country! Thankfully, Canada isn't in a land far far away. However, moving with furniture and quite the collection of life posed a new threat for me. After exploring EVERY option, I finally decided to have a moving company move my clothes, furniture, and probably 15 boxes of kitchen stuff (did I mention that I love to cook? ha...) With MUCH financial help from my grandmother and family, I managed to get everything up here with just one broken glass top. And here I am sitting on my own bed writing this out, with piles of I don't even know what to organize and settle in! Yes, I've been here for almost a month now and I'm still moving in. But not really knowing that many people and being somewhat of an introvert (which I realize is a new lesson for me to learn right now:)) I have quite a lot of time on the weekends to settle in the way I'd like to.

So I began this new job here and.....................

I don't even know how to begin this. Again, I'm still in shock that I'm dancing in a different company. I had slight anxiety that I'd actually show up for my first day of work and they'd say, "Who are you? And WHY are you here?" Um.....you DID hire me, correct? (Awkward silence.)

Well, let's just say that I'm extremely grateful that was a figment of my imagination and as soon as I walked in the door I was greeted with smiles and a busy-ish schedule. The lady at the front desk even had my headshot so that she'd recognize me to allow me to enter the building. So I was certainly FAR from my stupid daydream of anxiety. But I have to say that after working in the same place for 8 years, it's hard to imagine yourself starting something new somewhere else. I was in disbelief for the entire first week. I'm still easing into how everything is run here too. Everything's written in French because it's the legal language here. The schedule is written on a twenty-four hour clock. So that means it's not 2pm, but 14:00. Again, I'm still paranoid that I'm going to miss a rehearsal because of this:) But overall, I feel welcomed by very warm people and I'm just thrilled to be learning completely new....well EVERYTHING.

They say it's dangerous to get too comfortable somewhere. You almost start going through motions meaninglessly. I don't think that being comfortable is necessarily a bad thing. But I certainly feel that lifeless, meaningless work is. And I don't think I was necessarily working without a purpose in Miami, but I do think that I was loosing a little steam. Something felt off. It's hard to jump into a new situation and I'm especially not good at change, so for me to make the decision to move on, it took a lot of ruminating and praying. But when things seemed to fall into place, it just made sense for me to do this.

I keep trying to remind myself this. Don't get me wrong now. I'm extremely happy with the decision I made to move here. As much as I miss the beach life in Miami (most of you know how much I love that city), I am excited to make my niche here in Montreal. It is an absolutely gorgeous city bursting with life, with family, with art, and for the time being...with green! I'm slowly finding my favorite farmers' market stand, my new cafe to chill out at, my favorite parc to read at. I'm still looking for a good sushi place or late night delivery...anyone? :) That was something very easy to find in Miami!

When I'm at work, I'm consistently reminded of why I chose to come here. (besides the fact that there was a job offer!) It's refreshing to be learning something I never dreamed I would be doing! As grateful as I am to have experienced what I did in Miami, and to have been given the opportunity to expand my resume, I have to say that I am loving the uncomfortableness of new movement. I feel almost completely out of my own element. By that, I mean (and I say this with complete humbleness because a dancer's job is to constantly find something to grow from) I felt that I had gotten almost comfortable doing a Balanchine rep. I don't mean that it was easy....BY GOD, NO! But I felt that it was familiar for my body. I say this with assurance now especially because nothing feels familiar anymore! ha! It would be slightly comforting to have someone say, "Can you please whip out Choleric right now?" Where as before, I probably would have crapped myself if someone turned on that music and said, "Do it." :) (for those of you who are unfamiliar with this part, it is a movement in Balanchine's The Four Temperaments that consists of a tall female basically being shot out of a canon from the wings, without hardly any warning. The music is fast, and the dancing is difficult especially for one with long legs and a lot to deal with!)

Anyways, everyday I walk in the studio with zero expectations because I really have no idea what to expect. Well, that's not true. I expect to learn. It's extremely humbling and I a needed a good dose of that I think. I do consider myself a humble person, but after dancing a similar rep for about 6 years or so, I think a dancer does naturally start to feel like she's "got it down." Figured it out. Been there, done that. That's when you stop growing as an artist and a person. You should always be finding more ways to grow, but sometimes a good change is really all that can do the trick. Someone once told me that when you feel like you've done everything that can satisfy your heart as a dancer, THAT's when it's time to retire. I certainly have not felt that way. I considered retiring because of my frustration with the perfection that I mistakingly expect from myself, but quickly realized that if I actually did move on to a different profession, I would constantly feel this emptiness. Like I'd missed something. No, I'm not done yet. And right now, I feel like I've just begun. As frustrating (and slightly humiliating) as it can be falling all over the place when you're trying to learn something new, I am very grateful to just be learning right now. That was the purpose of this year for me, and I feel like I've actually taken a step in the right direction.

That being said, the week is much easier for me than the weekends. Working takes my mind off of what I miss about my old life. I don't mean "old life" as in "Peace out people. I'm onto other things!" I mean, rather a previous situation. I miss the comfort of being around those that I know so well. Those friends that I know exactly how they'll react to me....and my sarcasm. I know just how far to go with them before it's too much. Those who know my habits and my quirks and love me just the same. Being an introvert and a people pleaser, it's hard for me not to judge myself in new situations. "Why did you say that? You sound like an idiot! Don't ask too many questions. Be nice, but be true to yourself. Put yourself out there....people are going to think you're bitchy and uninterested if you keep to yourself all the time!" Oh my god, the voices in my head....it's ridiculous! How is it possible for someone to be so paranoid! It's almost embarrassing for me to write these things down. But I made a promise that I would be honest in my writing, whether it be good OR bad. Easy to read, or not. After all, we're just human right? I'm sure I'm not the only person who has these feelings.

In any event, my point is that I'm missing my friends, my family. I'm missing my lovey. In that, I find myself retreat into my discomfort and desire to be with those that I love. It almost freezes me. I know this will thaw out in time. But right now, in this moment (because it's Sunday) I long to be in the presence of unconditional love. I miss those amazing people. You know who you are.

Tomorrow's a new day though! And I shall continue to trudge forward with every ounce of heart that I have. Part of life to experience every emotion and that could be extreme joy as well as extreme...for lack of a better word...ache. Heartache in this case? Well, muscle ache too! That's what epsom salt is for though:) And God never gives us more than we can handle, right? So bring it on then!....yikes! I shall attempt the challenge with courageous vulnerability.

How's that for a Sunday sermon? :) jk