Ever dream that you're naked in public?

I knew that moving to Montreal would bring about equal shares of inspiration and challenge. Being in a new environment can be COMPLETELY disarming. Strange though, because at the same time it can also be comforting. Let me explain. While everything around me is for the most part new, I almost feel naked in a sense. Nothin feels comfortable...that's funny, because in reality actually, being naked is physically more comfortable than wearing clothes. However, mentally we've (at least I've) been conditioned to think that wearing something is more comfortable in a social setting I suppose. Society has taught me that wearing clothes...and makeup, and hairstyles, (and even nail polish!) is the perfect way to cover up your flaws. Ever had one of those dreams where you are walking around naked in a public place...but oddly, no one seems to really care? Then all of a sudden, you realize that your naked and you're completely humiliated...even if no one is even looking at you?! At some point, you wake up and realize it's all a dream. What a relief! haha!! Anyways, my point is that when you are taken out of your comfort zone, it's a LITTLE bit like being naked. Everything feels slightly awkward and it takes some time to adjust and feel "normal" again.

At the same time, being in a new place gives one a chance to completely reinvent oneself. It's like you take off your old clothes, feel naked for awhile, and then put something new on! Fundamentally, you're still the same person, but meanwhile some things have changed a bit. Funny though, because I find that recently I'm really trying to hold on to what I know of myself.
This process turns into some crazy philosophy lesson somewhere in the back of my mind though. I mean, who are we really? Are we what our friends tell us we are? Are we what we do? Are you "what you eat"? Does what you identify with make you who you are? It's so easy for me to tell someone, "Yeah, well I'm a dancer, but when I stop dancing, I really want to do something with alternative medicine." I like yoga, but I don't necessarily consider myself a yogi, even though my ego would just LOVE that. I love to cook, but I'm no Julia Child. I love music, but I don't play an instrument and I don't think I could really write for Rolling Stone.

Since I've been here, I've started to connect with new people which can be quite an interesting adventure. After a little time, people naturally start making judgements about you. I don't mean this in a negative way....it's part of human nature whether we like it or not. I know it's going to happen, just like I know I may or may not like what people think of me. I've heard some things that I (well, my ego really) like...

"You kind of remind me of an Avatar." :D
"I figured you would want to go to yoga instead."
"But you seem so much more relaxed than most ballet dancers!"
"She's really funny!"
"You always seem happy."

I've also heard some things I don't like....

"You're like a BALLET ballet dancer."
"You know this...Balanchine."
"You and your YouTube videos. You're like the queen of funny videos."
"You're really into magazines aren't you?"

But the only reason I'd really be happy or unhappy with these comments is if I feel that I identify with them. Well, of course I do! But the other part of me is telling that I'm not just that. I'm not just my ego. Meditation teaches us how to learn to understand ourselves...but NOT ourselves as the day to day person that goes to work, eats, meets with friends on the weekends. It teaches us to learn how to connect our higher selves...that part of us that isn't related to the ego. It's crazy how much we feed our ego without even knowing it. I feel myself doing it just in writing this blog. I LOVE to sound eloquent and philosophical so that someone will stroke my ego and say, "You write so well!" or "That sounds very profound." Oh God, it's nauseating just thinking that I'm doing that! But seriously, we ALL do things like that on a daily basis! I admire those that are able to just put everything out there on the line and not fear being judged by others...or by themselves. Being honest and saying exactly how they feel in that moment. Like a child..."That's my crayon! You can't have it.... because..... I want it now!" Yeah, that's not very polite, but you've got to appreciate the honesty there:)

I find that as I get to know a new group of people here in my life, I'm almost finding freedom in trying to just be myself as who I am on that day. Yeah, maybe I'll get some judgement here and there. But in the end, it doesn't really matter. All that matters to me is that I'm true to who I am fundamentally, not what others perceive me as. And let me be clear...trying does not at all imply success! Of course, this is easier said than done, and I fail on a daily basis! But that's ok, because I know I'll never actually conquer this struggle. I believe one would be considered "enlightened" if they had.

In this freedom and meeting new people, I feel myself moving forward from my previous life. I know some will always stick with me, and memories will always stick with me. But of course, things change, people change. I've realized that things are different where I came from. As much as change is SOO tough for me, I'm learning that I need to let it go and move forward. Life is different back in Miami and while I think it will always be home for me, it won't be the home I knew when I lived and worked there. Circumstances change people, including myself, and I cannot expect otherwise. Needless to say, I think I've reached a turning point here within the past few weeks. As I make new friends.....

Wait, I'm remembering a silly song I learned in school when I was a little tot, but it's SOOO appropriate.

"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold."

:D I will always have those close friends that will never be forgotten. But I'll also have those friends "of the season". I'm realizing those as I move on to a new life here in Montreal. It's not a bad thing...a little nostlagic, but in a very good way. I will always have GREAT memories in Miami, and for some friends those might have to suffice. For others, I know I'll keep making new memories with them!

Although this is a little bittersweet for me, I also am beginning this new life here and finally starting to appreciate where I am NOW instead of longing for a past that will not return.
One more thing I'd like touch on before I call it a night. Since making this decision to move forward to really sink my teeth into new frienships and my life here, I have also reached a new level of difficulty with my relationship. (I know there will be multiple levels in this situation!) Pete and I have obviously decided to continue our relationship over long-distance. I knew this would be challenging, but I believed (and still believe) in us. At this moment, I find it very hard to move forward while Pete is still part of my previous life in Miami. He's still there, working for my previous employer, and friends with most (if not all) of my friends there. This doesn't sound like a big deal, and at first glance actually sounds very comforting because I still have my connection to those I love there, through him. But no. While I'm moving on here and meeting new people (who, let's face it, still somewhat shape who we are- we are influenced by those around us whether we like it or not)....while I'm here, he's still there. He's not here moving forward with me (physically here at least). I'm now in the position where I'm trying to find the happy medium of developing a life here, while also continuing to develop my relationship with my lovey. Both take an incredible amount of investment. This is a real challenge, and of course I'm learning everyday.

That's all.

Bjork's got it right.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rlkGaCkFrE


After re-reading this blog, I would like to clarify something. I believe that Pete and I ARE moving forward together in our relationship. What I am trying to say is that, while I'm here developing a new life, I wish he could be here with me to experience that, like we did together in Miami. While we still may be moving forward, we're moving forward in a new and different way than we have previously. In no way did I mean that I've put Pete in a box of my past. Our relationship is not limited to time, in my mind. That being said, I am beside myself this week getting ready for his week-long visit, beginning Saturday night! :D

Robert and Stephen

Loss of inspiration has kept me from writing this blog...well, not really. I suppose it's not loss of inspiration, but loss of self-confidence maybe? The past few weeks, I've had some ups, downs, and complete lulls, for lack of a better word. What does one write about? Many days I've walked down the street on a beautiful afternoon, heard the pitter patter of the rain on my window, seen a laughing child or a couple in love that has touched my heart, felt and heard the wind in the trees on my street, and even seen a gorgeous rainbow (just one, not two...mark). I've also visiting with old friends, visited with new friends, cuddled with old pets, acquired (AND cuddled for that matter!) with a new one, made familiar recipes, tried new ones. And of course I've laughed a lot, cried a lot, strutted down the street and embarrassed myself all in the same day sometimes. There have been a myriad of things to write about really, but what do I say? I need to be eloquent, but there are days where I JUST DON'T feel like being eloquent! I just want to vent damn it! A public blog does not seem the place to do so, however I did make a promise that I would be completely honest in my writing. AHHH!

Yes, this is what happens to me often. As a result of my conflicting thoughts, the time somehow comes and goes, and NOTHING is accomplished. I keep saying, "Oh I'll do that tomorrow." Tomorrow becomes yesterday and I'm still left with no blog.

Today, I cannot ignore what my heart is telling me. A series of events has amounted to this moment and I am amazed at how things really happen in life in their perfect time.

First, I somehow managed to find myself wandering into an mountain/outdoor activities store today. In the search for a good winter coat, I figured it would be a good place to start. However, I ended up in the hiking/climbing section of the store. My best friend Stephen has a new-found passion for rock climbing. He constantly has new stories to tell me of his recent accomplishments. So of course, all I could do was think of him the entire time I was in the store.

Being a typical dancer, I've always been slightly hesitant to go rock climbing because I don't want to be terrible. I want to skip forward to the level of "skilled" rock climber. Whatever the hell that means is of course something I made up in my head and Stephen would probably be the first person to remind me of that. However, while wandering around the store today I found myself conceiving a budding desire to start rock climbing! I don't know...maybe being in the north is starting to have an effect on me! I have admired Stephen's ability to nurture his love for this new passion just as much as he has for dance. Being a dancer, it seems sometimes difficult to develop an non-fleeting interest in something. I'm not really sure why, but I suppose it's because for so many years of our lives we were focused on one thing and that was getting a job in a dance company, where we have the privilege of performing and getting paid to do so. A dancer almost lives and breathes it! I've always been one to have many different interests besides dance, but usually they end up being hobbies or things that I say I'll get to one day. (Although, so far my natural health kick has stuck for quite some time, so I'm keeping the dream alive!) Anyways, I've seen a tremendous growth in Stephen since he's begun rock climbing. He's grown mentally, physically, emotionally, and I really feel like it has helped him develop a true sense of who he is, BESIDES being a dancer...and he is confident in that. I admire his ambitious spirit. Needless to say, just being in that store today reminded me of who he is and a twinge of nostalgia crept up.

Later, I got home and opened up my laptop. My friend, Mark, posted an incredible video on Facebook. It was about not giving up on your dreams. I decided that I wanted to send the video to some family members (Dad!) and in the meantime, found myself reading a blog by a New York-born actor. He had written a blog awhile back about Indigo children and how he believed that his two children were ones themselves. I have read a few things about Indigo children myself and have been fascinated by them. For more information about Indigos, here's the link.

http://www.mailonrivera.net/mailonrivera/blog.html

From this point, I decided to actually read a blog by Mark. He's been updating his blog after quite awhile, and I've neglected to read it for too long. I'm a HUGE fan of his writing and realized that THE TIME IS NOW! So I went to the blog and his most recent post of course caught my attention. Allow me...

http://www.yogiboi.com/2010/09/we-love-you-robert.html

Two years ago from tomorrow Stephen's younger brother took his life and changed his family's lives forever. Mark reminisces about that night and the course of events that took place before and after Stephen got the call. It's truly amazing how one phone call can completely change your life from one moment to the next. They were having a typical night, as was I, and within minutes, we were actually pondering the reality of death, and of course the fact that Robert chose death.

Robert has always fascinated me. I remember Stephen telling me stories about his brother and how artistic he was. He seemed to have a mind of his own and didn't like following rules or being told how to live life. He had little art projects he was constantly working on, maybe to escape reality. He was a passionate person...I could tell even though I didn't know him very well. Stephen's family is extremely warm and loving, and I remember Stephen and his mom telling me that Robert wasn't very....is it compassionate? hmmm...words seem to fail me right now. That seems like the wrong choice, especially because I stated that I felt he was a passionate person. However, passion and compassion are two different words. I feel that he definitely had passion. When he spoke, he spoke with conviction...with assurance...with almost anger that no one understood what he was saying. But that "anger" made it appear that he didn't maybe have a lot of compassion for some people. He seemed rather frustrated with the general population, instead. After he passed, Stephen came home with some of his drawings and videos. His work seemed to scream that he was seeing something beyond many people's comprehension.

It was always apparent to me that Robert had a vision and it was without a doubt profound. Call me crazy, but that boy had a gift. I think that Stephen (and Mark) would probably agree. This brings me to the course of events that happened today. I have believed for awhile that Robert was an Indigo child. When you read the characteristics of an Indigo, Robert seems to be all over it. Maybe he realized something that could not be communicated in this life. Maybe he tried to communicate it and no one around could understand. As a teenager....actually, as a human being, that can be a very lonely place. Maybe that's presumptuous for me to say, but there's always been something inside of me telling that Robert had something to teach us. If we haven't learned it yet, I hope we do at some point. Maybe it's the awareness of Indigo children and the misconception society can have about them. Maybe not.

It was no accident that I read that blog today. Well both actually, and one after the other. It was a reminder of the life that Robert had here on Earth. I do believe that he will continue to teach and perhaps try to communicate with some of us through his later artwork, or maybe through something beyond our knowledge and understanding. Either way, the Satterfield family is of course not the same. But through hard times, I have seen how the family has pulled through, with each other and with their individual passions. I cannot even comprehend a loss like that, but I know that even though it probably won't ever get easier to cope with, life still does go on. And I have seen Stephen, in particular, move forward with amazing grace. I am blessed to have had the privilege of witnessing his growth the past few years. He is an amazing human being, just like his brother. Stephen was in my thoughts all day today...again, no accident. Robert, Stephen and the rest of the Satterfield family will be in my thoughts tomorrow as well. We should celebrate the life and spirit that continues TO BE, even without the physical body. Cheers to Robert.

Putting the Pieces Together

Wait a second, I just figured out some information that definitely made my day. Warning, this is probably not going to sound that exciting to anyone else, but I felt like sharing regardless. So in my previous studies, I'd learned that athletes need to make sure they get more Vitamin B, particularly B12, than most people. I just committed this to memory and never asked questions...ok, make sure I get my B12.

Today, I happened to be learning about the cardiovascular system, in particular the red blood cells. Their job is to transport oxygen to the lungs and also to the rest of the cells in our body so that we can function. Because athletes use more oxygen once exercise becomes quite strenuous, the red blood cells have to work much harder. Studies have shown that athletes actually contain twice as many red blood corpuscles as people living sedentary lives! WOW!!

From here, in order for the bone marrow to manufacture more red blood cells, the body needs iron, haemoglobin, Vitamin B12, Folic Acid, and proteins. Now we all know that relatively speaking, athletes tend to require more protein and iron in their diets for "energy". That energy is produced by the oxygen transported by the red blood cells themselves! With low levels of these nutrients, the body cannot manufacture the proper amount of red blood cells to support the activity of a athlete under physical stress. Unbelievable. I love it when things come together and make perfect sense to me! Now I completely understand the vital role of the B vitamins, iron, and of course protein for a dancer such as myself. This is not something to be messed around with. When I'm tired with low stamina, I know exactly what needs to be done.

Yeah for education! haha...I'm a nerd. On that note, I would like to include a video that a friend sent me...it's about 40 day Sadhanas and how they are related to the renewal of our red blood cells. I find it very interesting. Something to think about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxcimeKrfpU

P.S. I would like to clarify a previous statement I made above. (thanks, Dad) Red blood cells do not actually work harder to pump oxygen throughout the body. The body simply requires more of them to accomplish this task. :)

Learning "Nothing"

This week marks the start of Leonce et Lena, the ballet that will open our season in October. It's a new ballet for us, so the choreographer is here with some help to set the piece. The story is new to me, but it's basically a German comedy. It takes place in two different towns in which the people are supposedly rather bored with life. The music that the choreographer (Christian Spuck) decided to use is all quite popular classical music including a lot of waltzes and polkas, adding a very upbeat element to the production. So it's very interesting because the choreography is supposed to represent boredom, but in order to keep the audience intrigued, he added the surprise of extremely happy music to dance to. Even though it's only been a few days, I can tell that we are going to have a lot of fun in the performances. He has opened the door for some creativity on our part, here and there. So it's easy to see that once we get comfortable with the choreography and acting, we'll be able to do a lot with it.

Me... I'm just getting comfortable with the company still! :) Slowly, but surely things will fall into place. Getting up in the morning and going to work is like opening up another door for information to enter...and that's fine with me.

Coming home is a bit of a different story. I'm not going to lie here. It's difficult to come home to an empty house and figure out what I'm going to do with myself. Of course, I always have tons of projects to accomplish and somehow, they always end up getting put off. Yes, I'm that person that has a lot of ambitions, but they tend to be forgotten somewhere down the road. So today I said, "Get out and do something productive!!!" So I did! I set out with my directions, my bus map, and my iPod and I was ready to go! (this is, of course, after work.) I had planned to take a trip to Pier 1 Imports...always nice to find a well-known furnishings store that's not too expensive. Needless to say, after waiting for quite awhile, I realized that the bus that I originally wanted to take was not in service. Nice. I'm smart.

So I figured I'd just get back on the metro, head back down towards home, and stop at Home Depot on the way. I have a few pieces of wooden furniture that are in dire need of staining and refinishing. But after waiting for ten minutes at the bus stop, I realized it was getting late and I didn't feel like starting another trek. I also knew that as soon as I got home, I would start on that project, hence pushing dinner back to probably 10, bedtime to 1:30/2am, and I am not a good dancer/learner after 5 hours of sleep. Some people can do it, and I believe I used to be one of them, but girl's gettin' old!

Why the heck am I sharing this anyways? I suppose I'm just trying to fill the day with some sort of purpose. I like going to bed at night knowing that I've accomplished something. But I think I need to learn that accomplishing nothing IS accomplishing something! It's ok to do nothing...I think. It must be............

I went to see Eat, Pray, Love this weekend and although I (of course) didn't like it as much as the book, I appreciate the reminder of the gifts and lessons I received from the book itself. There's a part when she's in Italy that represents this lesson I think I'm supposed to understand right now. She's talking to her Italian friend, and he says that Italians know and appreciate the ability to do nothing. It's almost as if doing nothing is part of their culture! Well, then she goes to India to learn the ancient practice of meditation...and essentially that's kind of doing nothing as well! Notice thought through an introspective approach. Maybe that's what I need to do while I'm here.

I just started reading this book called Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda. Of course there's accounts of his meditations and it's quite inspiring to read about the gifts he receives when he lifts his thoughts up to his higher self, or God, I suppose in other words. Connecting on a more spiritual sense. Letting go of self, of ego. I would truly love to experience this, but I also know it is hard work. It's not easy to acknowledge your thoughts without judging them. But I think that's the first step. You have to acknowledge your thoughts to realize that you are NOT your thoughts. You are not your emotions. You simply ARE.

Well, I honestly don't even know if I can go on from this point. I must have gotten to the point I was meant to get to when I sat down to right this. I apologize for the randomness of it. I'm sure it may even be slightly boring to read, but oh well! Those are my thoughts for the day!

Nothin' like a new habitat to put you in your place!

I am loooonng overdue for a post here, but I made it to Montreal! It's finally sinking in that I'm here. I think after being in one place for so long, it's hard for me to comprehend that I'm not visiting this place, but I'm making it my home. I was very lucky to have Pete and Kim here with me from the beginning. They really helped make the move less drastic, at first.

I don't think you can ever really understands how stressful a move can be until you actually experience it. I've moved a few times now, but each time I forget how crazy it is! Each time I've moved, something new is added to the load of stress. The first time, it was to New York. While moving away from my family as I knew it for the first time was difficult, I was young and moving into a dorm situation which was a simple and shelterd transition. Then, it was down to Miami. This time was different with the added stress of living in my own place and actually having to cook for myself everyday...which may have seemed somewhat daunting at the time, but I EASILY adapted and really started to grow my passion for cooking! I also lived with roommates for a couple of years and in furnished apartments, so again the transition was gradual. Finally, I moved into my own place and had to furnish it myself! I was adding more to this growing collection of "stuff" I'd already attained. It's amazing how much we collect over the years! Anyways, this apartment that I lived in alone truly TRULY gave me the chance to explore my identity. I lived here for...was it four years? I completely lost track, but it was an incredible four years. That was the first time I was able to experience life living alone. I explored my creativity with decorating, painting, cooking (because who wants to cook something for the first time, hand it out to friends, have it taste like crap, and....then what? It's like the blue soup in Bridget Jones' Diary!) Anyways, I think I really found myself during those years, and for this reason that apartment holds a special significance in my heart.

Then, it was time to get practical! With the downturn of the economy, I needed to save money and cut corners in any way possible. Luckily, my dearest friend Kyra (previous posts will describe her fabulousness) needed a roommate. Well, I don't need to dive into that story as I already have in another post. Needless to say, that presented yet another opportunity to grow and learn to downsize:) That was definitely a cleansing year.

So after moving numerous times, it was time to move to a different country! Thankfully, Canada isn't in a land far far away. However, moving with furniture and quite the collection of life posed a new threat for me. After exploring EVERY option, I finally decided to have a moving company move my clothes, furniture, and probably 15 boxes of kitchen stuff (did I mention that I love to cook? ha...) With MUCH financial help from my grandmother and family, I managed to get everything up here with just one broken glass top. And here I am sitting on my own bed writing this out, with piles of I don't even know what to organize and settle in! Yes, I've been here for almost a month now and I'm still moving in. But not really knowing that many people and being somewhat of an introvert (which I realize is a new lesson for me to learn right now:)) I have quite a lot of time on the weekends to settle in the way I'd like to.

So I began this new job here and.....................

I don't even know how to begin this. Again, I'm still in shock that I'm dancing in a different company. I had slight anxiety that I'd actually show up for my first day of work and they'd say, "Who are you? And WHY are you here?" Um.....you DID hire me, correct? (Awkward silence.)

Well, let's just say that I'm extremely grateful that was a figment of my imagination and as soon as I walked in the door I was greeted with smiles and a busy-ish schedule. The lady at the front desk even had my headshot so that she'd recognize me to allow me to enter the building. So I was certainly FAR from my stupid daydream of anxiety. But I have to say that after working in the same place for 8 years, it's hard to imagine yourself starting something new somewhere else. I was in disbelief for the entire first week. I'm still easing into how everything is run here too. Everything's written in French because it's the legal language here. The schedule is written on a twenty-four hour clock. So that means it's not 2pm, but 14:00. Again, I'm still paranoid that I'm going to miss a rehearsal because of this:) But overall, I feel welcomed by very warm people and I'm just thrilled to be learning completely new....well EVERYTHING.

They say it's dangerous to get too comfortable somewhere. You almost start going through motions meaninglessly. I don't think that being comfortable is necessarily a bad thing. But I certainly feel that lifeless, meaningless work is. And I don't think I was necessarily working without a purpose in Miami, but I do think that I was loosing a little steam. Something felt off. It's hard to jump into a new situation and I'm especially not good at change, so for me to make the decision to move on, it took a lot of ruminating and praying. But when things seemed to fall into place, it just made sense for me to do this.

I keep trying to remind myself this. Don't get me wrong now. I'm extremely happy with the decision I made to move here. As much as I miss the beach life in Miami (most of you know how much I love that city), I am excited to make my niche here in Montreal. It is an absolutely gorgeous city bursting with life, with family, with art, and for the time being...with green! I'm slowly finding my favorite farmers' market stand, my new cafe to chill out at, my favorite parc to read at. I'm still looking for a good sushi place or late night delivery...anyone? :) That was something very easy to find in Miami!

When I'm at work, I'm consistently reminded of why I chose to come here. (besides the fact that there was a job offer!) It's refreshing to be learning something I never dreamed I would be doing! As grateful as I am to have experienced what I did in Miami, and to have been given the opportunity to expand my resume, I have to say that I am loving the uncomfortableness of new movement. I feel almost completely out of my own element. By that, I mean (and I say this with complete humbleness because a dancer's job is to constantly find something to grow from) I felt that I had gotten almost comfortable doing a Balanchine rep. I don't mean that it was easy....BY GOD, NO! But I felt that it was familiar for my body. I say this with assurance now especially because nothing feels familiar anymore! ha! It would be slightly comforting to have someone say, "Can you please whip out Choleric right now?" Where as before, I probably would have crapped myself if someone turned on that music and said, "Do it." :) (for those of you who are unfamiliar with this part, it is a movement in Balanchine's The Four Temperaments that consists of a tall female basically being shot out of a canon from the wings, without hardly any warning. The music is fast, and the dancing is difficult especially for one with long legs and a lot to deal with!)

Anyways, everyday I walk in the studio with zero expectations because I really have no idea what to expect. Well, that's not true. I expect to learn. It's extremely humbling and I a needed a good dose of that I think. I do consider myself a humble person, but after dancing a similar rep for about 6 years or so, I think a dancer does naturally start to feel like she's "got it down." Figured it out. Been there, done that. That's when you stop growing as an artist and a person. You should always be finding more ways to grow, but sometimes a good change is really all that can do the trick. Someone once told me that when you feel like you've done everything that can satisfy your heart as a dancer, THAT's when it's time to retire. I certainly have not felt that way. I considered retiring because of my frustration with the perfection that I mistakingly expect from myself, but quickly realized that if I actually did move on to a different profession, I would constantly feel this emptiness. Like I'd missed something. No, I'm not done yet. And right now, I feel like I've just begun. As frustrating (and slightly humiliating) as it can be falling all over the place when you're trying to learn something new, I am very grateful to just be learning right now. That was the purpose of this year for me, and I feel like I've actually taken a step in the right direction.

That being said, the week is much easier for me than the weekends. Working takes my mind off of what I miss about my old life. I don't mean "old life" as in "Peace out people. I'm onto other things!" I mean, rather a previous situation. I miss the comfort of being around those that I know so well. Those friends that I know exactly how they'll react to me....and my sarcasm. I know just how far to go with them before it's too much. Those who know my habits and my quirks and love me just the same. Being an introvert and a people pleaser, it's hard for me not to judge myself in new situations. "Why did you say that? You sound like an idiot! Don't ask too many questions. Be nice, but be true to yourself. Put yourself out there....people are going to think you're bitchy and uninterested if you keep to yourself all the time!" Oh my god, the voices in my head....it's ridiculous! How is it possible for someone to be so paranoid! It's almost embarrassing for me to write these things down. But I made a promise that I would be honest in my writing, whether it be good OR bad. Easy to read, or not. After all, we're just human right? I'm sure I'm not the only person who has these feelings.

In any event, my point is that I'm missing my friends, my family. I'm missing my lovey. In that, I find myself retreat into my discomfort and desire to be with those that I love. It almost freezes me. I know this will thaw out in time. But right now, in this moment (because it's Sunday) I long to be in the presence of unconditional love. I miss those amazing people. You know who you are.

Tomorrow's a new day though! And I shall continue to trudge forward with every ounce of heart that I have. Part of life to experience every emotion and that could be extreme joy as well as extreme...for lack of a better word...ache. Heartache in this case? Well, muscle ache too! That's what epsom salt is for though:) And God never gives us more than we can handle, right? So bring it on then!....yikes! I shall attempt the challenge with courageous vulnerability.

How's that for a Sunday sermon? :) jk

Little Miracles

There have been quite a few events the past few months that have lead me to believe that there most certainly is a God or force of good that looks after us all the time, whether we realize it or not. I mean the course my life has taken this year has without a doubt been directed entirely by the man upstairs. I am simply baffled (for lack of a better word) by the events that have occurred, particularly this one....

So at the moment, I am sort of in between destinations waiting for I'm not sure what to happen to initiate my final move up to Montreal. Yesterday, Pete and I finally decided that we absolutely HAD to figure out our reservations considering the original plan was to fly up there a week from today. So we arrive at the Starbucks with internet :) and begin our search. Of course, the flights have raised in price compared to what they were a few days ago. I expected this, but what's a girl to do? I almost feel like I've been waiting for some "miracle" to happen and I'll have the money in my account to move forward. I'm not joking when I say that I feel like my entire summer has consisted of months of these moments. So by this point, I've actually figured out that somehow things work out when I let it go and let God.

So I suppose in some weird way, that's what this "waiting" period was. I've had a few freak out moments (Pete will second that!) but for the most part, I've been trying to learn how to be comfortable in the uncomfortable. As soon as it seems like there's no answer in sight, SOMETHING happens. EVERYtime!! One of those small miracles.

Ok, finally I reach my point. Kim, a hero of mine who also happens to be my mom, suggested looking at train tickets. Pete seems to be a veteran at taking the train nowadays, but I certainly am not. I still love the convenience of arriving somewhere the same day that I leave. However, if it means saving a hundred dollars or so, then I'm all in! So we look at train tickets, and they are significantly cheaper. The catch was that we'd have to stop in New York City and in order to transfer to the correct train up to Montreal, we'd have to stay overnight. Problem. Although we know quite a few people in New York, numerous of them have traveled up to Saratoga and others have tiny little places that I would feel terrible crashing in with enough luggage to equate two more people. Just as I was about to post a Facebook status update asking if anyone would mind if we stayed with them for one night, I remembered that my amazing friend Stephen would be traveling home through Montreal from his trip to Europe. By the way, congratulations to Callie and Didier who are having an amazing little Swiss wedding which is the reason Stephen was over there to begin with!!! ANYways, so Stephen's parents are driving up from Glens Falls, NY to Montreal to pick him up at the airport. What date? That's right...THEEE day Pete and I were talking about going to Montreal. And YES, there is a train that we can take straight up to Glens Falls to stay with them for a night and then travel to Canada with them!! I called Mary, Stephen's amazing mother, and ran this plan by her. Her response was, "I can't wait to see you!" What an angel. And what a miracle this was. Pete and I are saving hundreds of dollars by choosing this option. I don't need to explain the poverty of a person in our profession during the summer months. It's literally a God-sent blessing that we are able to take advantage of this wonderfully presented plan. I think we both jumped up and down for a good minute when we realized what a miracle we had just witnessed.

Now I officially have five more days in the states before I begin my new adventures in Canada. I'm extremely nervous, but enjoying every minute of these last few days here in the summertime. And also enjoying watching each miracle play itself out.

Thank you, God!

Peace Of Mind In Pennsylvania

Right now, I think I may be in the most peaceful place I could possibly be at the moment. I just took an amazing bath in a fantastically large jacuzzi bathtub. And yes, I definitely started singing “Kiss” by Prince just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman! Never mind, I totally lied about that. But the idea crossed my mind! Needless to say, it was absolutely gorgeous.

Let me explain. So like I said before, I'm currently in Pennsylvania at Pete's mom's. She has this rather large older house that has an enormous amount of history tagged onto it. She just informed me the other night that during the Civil War, the Confederates came through and burned down the town just blocks from her house. Somehow, her block and East (I think) were saved. So people that had lost their homes all piled into this home. Like I said, it's rather large and she said supposedly every square foot was covered with sleeping people who had lost their homes. Normally, this would have creeped me out, but for some reason it has given me a true sense of appreciation AND inspiration actually. The house itself is gorgeous and the history behind it is even more fascinating. The floor is the original wood flooring....the house was built in 1857 I think she said. There's an incredible marble fireplace that is in the dining room that is also original. I'm just completely in love with this.

Lavinia also has quite the green thumb and has built an insanely beautiful garden in her backyard. The peace and serenity that exists in this setting is unreal. It has been such a relief to sip my coffee in leisure on her back porch while NOT having to pack boxes!

…......long pause, because I went to bed, woke up the next day, went to bed, woke up again the next day...........................................and then finally drove over to Starbucks to finish this entry!......

She lives right next to a railroad track, so occasionally the powerful rumble of a train screams by and invigorates my spirit. It's actually quite incredible because right to that gorgeous garden in her backyard is the industrial backdrop of the train tracks. Talk about a scene for a photograph. I've gone camera crazy since I've been here. The sunsets are spectacular and when the sun's rays seep through the leaves of the trees, it almost brings me to tears.

Yesterday, Pete and I woke up early and walked downtown to the farmer's market. I felt like I was at home! I would LOVE to buy all of my groceries from local farmers. I bought a loaf of homemade fresh wheat bread with absolutely no preservatives, two tall bunches of beautiful mint, and two thick pieces of squash. I would have purchased all of my groceries for the week, but we'd already gone to the grocery store. I'm really hoping the Montreal will be graced with the presence of these wonderful farmer's markets so I can support locally grown produce. That would just make my move that much more exciting to me! (it's the little things, right?)

Really though, right now I feel a little lost in time. This place makes me focus on the moment only. Lavinia does have cable, but I rarely want to watch television when it's as gorgeous as it is outside. We must go to the local Starbucks to retrieve any internet access. (yes, I'm sitting at one and drinking my Americano as I write this) But most of the time, I'm “unplugged” and I'm loving it! It's giving me the chance to enjoy every moment placed before me and I'm so grateful for that.

Although, I am still trying to remember NOT to procrastinate on my responsibilities. This seems almost too easy for me to do right now. But there are so many things to still prepare for...changing banks, figuring out phone, cable, internet access for my apartment, and I'm sure I'll find another hurdle to jump over in the next day or so. But as I'm quickly figuring out, that's how life is. Just gotta roll with the punches!

Heading North

Well, today's the day. I officially move out of Miami. Yesterday, the movers came and picked up my stuff...hoping that all will go smoothly and trying not to have too much anxiety about it! As Kyra would say, "It's what it is!" I've been learning how to take on step at a time, reminding me of that silly claymation movie I love sooooo much. "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town"...haha! A young Santa sings an inspirational song to the Abominal Snowman about "Putting One Foot In Front of the Other". I have actually been singing that song to myself a lot recently. It's amazing the things we remember from our childhood. I used to laugh so much about that song, but it actually perfectly applies to my life at the moment!

Anyways, here we goooooooo!! Off to Chambersburg to see my lovey and then we'll take it from there. Hopefully, I'll be able to time it right and arrive around the same time as my boxes and furniture in Montreal. And MAYBE find a decently priced flight along with that:)

Just a quick update, but I must finish this book sitting next to me right now so I can leave it here...my luggage is stuffed to the brim!!!

Bon voyage!

Is Home Where The Heart Is?

I don't even know where to begin with this one. It's been awhile, but things seem to move sooo slowly right now!

Something interesting. So last week, as with the rest of what seems to be my life right now, I was trying to decide what to do with this weird month that I have to myself. Being that I am moving to Canada in one month, my options are somewhat limited. Time is not an issue ...for once. Money is! Go figure...after exhausting what I think to be every option possible, it's going to cost me a crazy amount of money to move up there. I keep telling myself, it's OK. I'm moving up there to do what I've dreamt of doing this whole year. It's just difficult to pack my life up in boxes and prepare for what WILL be the coldest winter of my entire life! Needless to say, I'm freaking out just a little bit. Not to mention, I'm leaving my favorite soul mate....don't worry, Pete knows what I mean. :)

However, this was my decision so I plan to follow it through. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed, but being the typical vitamin B-deficient woman I am, it's easy to get stressed out. This would probably be the reason for my long hiatus from this website. Not that anyone is really reading this anyways;)

So here I was in my Miami, sitting on my calendar of events and notebook/diary of travel notes I've taken. Mom's here, Dad's there. Richel's wedding's here, and Laguna Dance Theatre's 25th Anniversary Gala is there. Pete's show is here, and his teaching schedule is there. My head is here, but my heart is there...my heart may be there, but my money is WHERE? Yikes, this was a mess. I still am trying to sift through everything. I wish I had the finances and schedule to do everything...or at least be in two places at one time. Can someone work on that please?

One morning, I woke up and decided to throw up a small prayer. "God, maybe you can give me an answer as to what I should do with myself ...by tonight?" Low and behold, by that evening I'd decided to drive up to Georgia to visit Mom for a little over a week. Being in a house full of boxes (sorry to Kyra) was pushing the stress level up and maybe it would help to be away from it all and try to think clearly while sleeping in my childhood bed and having my mom's amazing yellow lab at my feet all day. I think she knew I just wrote that, because she just lifted to her head to show me some special puppy love.

So obviously, I made it up here to Georgia. I've been here for a few days and have about a week left. Pete drove up with me and he took the train up to Chambersburg on Saturday to visit his mom. He'll come back down next week and we'll head home to Miami. That's a weird concept. I've noticed that I call numerous places home since I've moved from California when I was sixteen. Georgia's home...cuz of Mom. :) California will always be home from growing up, and I still got the rest of my amazing family there. Miami is what I think I'll call my original home. That was the first city I truly made MY home in. I had my first apartment there all to myself...no roommates. That's when it became serious. After being there for eight years, I've grown to love this place immensely. There's a sense of oneness I feel waking up early (when I actually do) and walk down the street to get my coffee or when I'm at the beach. It's home for me. I think I'll definitely be back at some point in my life. I still dream about opening a holistic health center there...if I find someone who could show me the business tricks of the trade. :) Not necessarily my cup of tea...maybe I'll start by working in one and see how that goes;)

There is this sense of urgency upon me as I'm desperately trying to finalize my moving plans. I just want to get there and get this move all over with. Get settled. Become acquainted with my new home. But on the other hand, I'm definitely freaking out about leaving the ones I love. I know, thanks to my conversations with Mark, that we have to let go of this sense of ownership. This sense of mine. Those people will always be there, I know. But it has been awhile since I've moved to a new place where I don't know hardly anyone. I know I'll be fine because I have been before, but I'm still extremely nervous about it. I'm moving from sun and beach, to cold and snow. From a place where EVERYONE wants to come visit me and the tropics, to a place where everyone's first comment is "Oh, it's FREEZING up there!" Will I be alone all winter? Should I brace myself for a long winter of hibernating and missing my family and friends? The hardest part is that I know I'm not going to make it out to California to see my family once more before I leave. Airfare is outrageous and the timing is just not good. (So I guess that little bit I mentioned about time up there was a wash.) Preparing for this move is definitely time-consuming and so is a trip to the west coast. A week is the minimum amount of time that seems to work out there seeing everyone and all that jazz. But that's almost too much to ask at this point. So I suppose I just need to suck it up and if it's meant to be, I'll travel out there when I can and maybe I'll have a few visitors along the way too.

So far I've only had one anxiety dream about starting a new job in Montreal. Not too bad eh? Well, I'm surprised by myself! In the meantime I'm moving forward with my studies, doing a bit of yoga, reading one book after another, doing this insanely strong cleanse, cooking up a storm, and getting closer and closer to learning french...hopefully.

C'est la vie!

The amazing Kyra, and a little on New York

Let's see, so I lied. I definitely didn't continue that last one on the next day. Oops. Well, there's a good reason for that...kind of. I have been on the computer for the last two days almost straight, looking at information on moving to Canada. There is so much to be done! I'm trying to figure out what the most cost-effective way of moving will be...there are some things that I'm not quite ready to get rid of, but on the other hand, it might be nice to start fresh. So many decisions!

The thing is, I just moved in with Kyra last year and that was certainly a cleansing experience! Moving from my own small studio apartment to living in a living room (and that is NOT a bad thing, trust me!) was quite a change! It was honestly the best decision I ever made. With the downturn of the economy and Kyra changing her lifestyle from full-time ballerina to nursing student and ballet teacher, we both decided it was time to help each other out. That's what friends are for anyways, right? We are both independent people, and were nervous about having roommates again. However, we have always gotten along very well and it just seemed like God wanted us to support each other through this time. Well, not only did I decrease my rent tremendously, but I was helping her out with her mortgage by paying her rent, AND I rid myself of A LOT of possessions I realized I didn't need! It was definitely a nice fresh change. I learned how to live in small spaces, became MUCH more organized (who wants to see piles of old pictures, left over Christmas decor, and pointless junk lying around while sipping a glass of wine in someone's living room anyways?) Okay, well I'm not THAT organized I guess, because I definitely still have some piles of old mail that I need to constantly search through, but HEY! I'm getting better...those piles are a lot shorter than they used to get!

Seriously though, living with Kyra this year has been such a learning experience and has helped me grow tremendously. The way that she has approached this massive change in her life has been with nothing but fearless faith and grace! She gets up almost every morning before dawn, goes to school for a few hours, comes home and studies, goes to teach until 8:30 at night sometimes, and then comes home and studies more until she can't keep her eyes open. (We all know how easily this one can fall asleep!) :) Then she gets up the next day and does it all over again! AND somehow, she still manages to find time to socialize with her friends, make awesome lasagna every so often, choreograph little routines for her young students, and volunteer at church on the weekends. This lifestyle is completely different from that of a dancer...go to work everyday, practically in pajamas, and wait for your moment to shine whether it be in rehearsal or onstage. It's the same routine day in day out, and don't get me wrong. It can be quite exhausting! You can be rehearsing for six hours straight for 5 days in a row and then have performances during the weekend where you are quite possibly in every single ballet. Who has time for school or a social life?

Okay, that's going a little far because I have seen some dancers do it. But I guess what my point is, is that sometimes a change of lifestyle makes you realize what's important in life. Ballet can be so self-absorbed, you easily forget about everything and everyone else but yourself...I need my sleep before this show, I need to get up early to warm up and prepare myself for my day, I need Monday to go to the doctors and do my chores so I don't have to worry about it during the week, I don't have time to meet with someone for coffee or a drink (I'll just see them at the studios anyways), church is too early for me to get up on Sundays! I mean, while this is all important yes because it comes with the territory, I'm just sayin' that it's easy to get wrapped up in ourselves and our routines. Kyra's schedule changes from day to day and the grace that she has had while handling all of it has truly amazed me...and inspired me! And she's so happy! We hardly ever see each other because of our different schedules, but when I walk in the door and see her smiling face, it's like a breath of fresh air because I know how happy she is in this new chapter in her life. Honestly, seeing that has prepared me for this change that I'm about to embark on. It truly has made me see once again, that God's timing is perfect! There's a reason that that cheesy saying "Everything happens for a reason" exists! I mean, I had no idea how I was going to handle having a roommate again and look where it's gotten me! I feel that much more confident now about moving to a different city and exploring something new and different that I haven't seen yet...ever! All this was made possible by my amazing roommate and her schedule-jumbling skills that I have had the pleasure of witnessing for an entire year.

So I didn't continue on my experiences in New York...sorry. I guess I should touch on that a bit for my family's sake. Half of the reason I started this blog was to update them on my life.
SOoooooooooooo.....

ummmm......




Nothing is coming because I'm still so overwhelmed with how awesome my roommate is! I'm going to miss her so much!....and her lasagna. Shoot, I gotta learn how she makes that.

Well, let's just say that I went up there for an audition and it went really well. I am not a fan of cattle call auditions (open auditions) and there were over 100 girls there, but somehow I made every single cut. Someone actually showed interest in me and I was pleasantly surprised. Something kept me there the whole time...God?

I really think so actually because I felt like a complete fool during the auditions. I'm SUCH a ballet dancer, and seeing so many well-versed contemporary dancers there was slightly intimidating. But I just kept closing my eyes, trying to stay focused, and remembered why I was there...to learn. To take a step out of my comfort zone and see where exactly I stood in the contemporary dance world. It's always good to get some perspective. Needless to say, I was in there with one of my favorite So You Think You Can Dance winners and it took me all I could to focus on the choreography and not watch her the whole time! haha...

So somehow, I ended up being one of four girls left at the end. I had the privilege of working with Desmond Richardson and Dwight Rhoden with just a few others in the room. As much as I've heard about these two, I've never had the chance to work with them so this in itself was pretty inspiring. We worked with partners, which definitely almost made me shit myself because I haven't partnered with anyone in a long time. And I'm tall!! There's a lot to deal with here! :) I'm just sayin'....

But there's something quite liberating working with someone you've never met before and especially when you're both there for the same reason. The drive we both had to get a job created this.... determined energy. You feel the person's energy and you can bounce off of it...it's awesome! When one person feels insecure in one part, the other may not, and consequently there's this EVEN energy that amounts. You can feel the confidence in the other person and it is passed on to you. Does this make any sense? It's difficult to put this in words. Well, I was blessed to work with this great guy who really kept me calm. Once we got the hang of things and got used to each other's energies, it was fantastic! He kept telling me to trust him, and once I was able to do so, everything just flowed beautifully. We worked together for maybe an hour, but I felt more comfortable working with him than I have working with some people for weeks! But I'm convinced it's because we both had the same intentions...we just wanted to learn while we were there, whether it amounted to a job or not. It was such a positive learning experience even though they didn't offer me anything in the end.

However, on a side note they DID tell me how much they loved my height and length! Do you know how good it feels to hear that from someone you've worked with for just a couple of days? Zero labels. Just genuine appreciation. To me, this equals the permission to feel liberated! Cheers to that, kids!!!

Forsythe in the Big Apple

First of all, I'd like to say that The Black Keys' new album (Brothers) is amazing. I'm listening to it at the moment...thanks, Rhapsody.....and I highly recommend. Normally leaning towards a more dirty guitar bluesy sound, this album has a little more jazzy funk to it. At least in my opinion. It's definitely different from previous albums, but I have NEVER been disappointed with their work. It's kind of awesome to find a band that never ceases to amaze me even when their work expands to a different level. And live.....WOW. UNREAL! check 'em out guys. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

Sooooooo, it's been a week. Shoot. It's been a crazy week! Where do I start?

I've had loads of inspiration fired at me in very short amounts of time. I believe having loads of time to myself has lead to this. I'm finally on my own schedule. It's amazing how this freedom alone makes me feel like a different person. Somehow, I'd like to learn how to discover this contentment in the midst of a busy work-week or season.

Well, it looks like I've been given the chance to work on that next season. I was offered a job in Montreal! I think I've honestly been in denial for a week. I can't believe something is happening right now. I thought I might have to wait things out for awhile. Honestly, I was ok with that. My life has been a series of waiting games. Patience is obviously something God wants me to learn. Thanks. But seriously, this was a giant slap in the face reality check...I GOT A JOB!!! I GOT A JOB!!! what???

In the meantime, I still had one more audition to finish before I could truly settle in on this thought, this place. So I headed up to New York to visit friends and take care of business. I have to say that it took a lot for me to get excited about this trip. I've taken a few trips recently, and the thought of going to another audition when I already had something lined up seemed...secondary I suppose. However, I had plans and I intended to see them through. Besides, my handsome better half decided to accompany me on this trip. What awesome moral support he provided!

Well this decision soon proved to be yet another one of my better ones. Let me explain. Since I began this entire process of moving onto a "different" type of movement, I've been exploring many different styles and struggling to truly identify what I needed. (Leave it to New York City to provide the answers.)

There's this woman named Jill Johnson who teaches these Forsythe workshops on a regular basis in New York, usually once a month. William Forsythe (for those that don't know) is a choreographer who has developed a specific philosophy of movement/dance. By the way, I like the word movement better because it sounds more organic to me. I believe anyone can move and dance, but sometimes that word gets in the way because it has a reputation (at least for me) of meaning trained, sculptured, pretty? ANYWAYS, so Forsythe has passed his knowledge on to many of his dancers who have now gone on to teach others. So this amazing lady just so happened to be holding a workshop in New York the day before my audition. Cheers to that!

So I attended this three hour workshop that changed my life. I have finally found this freedom of movement and organic approach to dancing that I've been looking for forever! The class was based on Forsythe's fundamentals for improv. It's all about describing shapes in space. Sound abstract? You know when you do the limbo? Well take that stick away, but still imagine that line there. How would you move underneath it? Over it? How would you describe that line with your body? It's like imagining that different parts of your body have ink on them and you want to draw that line into space. You can use your hand, or your elbow, or your shoulder, knees, butt, nose, the list is endless. I know, it's really hard for me to explain this without showing you. But I bet if you looked up some of this on YouTube, I'm sure you'd find a bunch of videos. Needless to say, this class gave me a basis to jump off from and find a purpose in improv. It made me see even moreso how dancing is an artform. Instead of painting something on canvas, I'm using my body as a brush and painting shapes into space. The options are limitless! She gave us an idea, and let us go from there. It opens up this door of creativity that doesn't ever have to close again! And the best part is, YOU choose where you want to go! Almost two hours of improv was inspiring, thought provoking, curious, and humbling all at the same time. I was hooked!

And from here on out, I do have much more to say. However, I am finding that my mind is failing me. Being a true Vata type (more on that later) I wish I could just push my way through this. But Lord knows I need some sleep. So.....

To be Continued.....

What's with the name?

...so you may ask.

First and foremost, HI! Welcome to my blog...(hi, mom). :) Thanks to a conversation with my dad the other day, I decided to start this blog. Well, I have been following a few of my friends' blogs recently as well, and realized it's a great way to keep family and friends updated. There's just too much to say sometimes and it's hard to properly update everyone when you feel like what you have to say takes an hour! Don't get me wrong, I believe strongly still in communication via voice...whether through skype or telephone! Our generation has started this link into a very impersonal world, and some of us must keep the old traditions afloat. Think about it...how great does it feel to get a letter or invitation from a friend in the mailbox rather than that 10th reminder for that magazine subscription renewal you never wanted?

All that being said, I still feel like blogging is a great way to possibly connect to others even if it's those you speak to on a daily basis. Each person connects to another in a different way. My mom and I can speak for hours together about our new discoveries in our natural health studies. My dad and I can do the same with our love for photography. But he may not realize how passionate I am about taking that stupid chlorophyll, and she may not know how interested I am in possibly taking a class in photography. :) I want to share these interests with both of them, but maybe the conversation doesn't roll that way.

I think it's an appropriate time to share my inspiration, troubles, thoughts, frustrations, pictures, loves, music playlists....god knows what else! That too...thoughts on god. Transitions are happening slowly but surely right now. This "open journal" dare I say will hopefully be a vessel to communicate with others who might be going through similar circumstances. I will try my best to write with honesty, even if it may not put me in the best light. But as someone once said,

"The truth will set you free."

A-men to that!

Well THAT was a tangent! Anyways, the reason for the title. Growing up, my dad always called me Kristina Nina. It was his way of connecting me to my dancer persona, I suppose? Like an alter-ego or something. I danced around the house a lot, as I'm sure many young dancers do and I'm pretty sure that's where the name started and eventually stuck. When I moved away from home, he still referred to me as Kristina Nina, and eventually, just Nina. It was like a comfort thing to me. "Remember who you are and why you dance," it seemed to say to me. Now I feel like the name reestablishes who I am to myself...where I came from...what I love...what my passions are.

Naturally...well, I guess I chose that for a number of reasons. First, I'm obviously passionate about natural health. Being someone with vitiligo, I quickly got thrown into this world examining all possible causes of the skin pigmentation disorder. It happened by accident really, but I found what I'd like to do with my life after I stop dancing. So, I'm studying nutrition and health right now. Next course will be anatomy and physiology (awesome!). Then herbology. It's this whole other world of amazingness! I'm obsessed...seriously though. Isn't it amazing that we can change our entire body and even genetics by what we eat? Or break a fever by taking garlic instead of Advil? Or take colloidial silver instead of antibiotics?! Or take an amino acid instead of Prozac? And ALL withOUT side effects!! That's just the tip of the iceberg...I'm sure I'll have more to say on that later.

My other reason is, as I said before, I like to be as honest as possible while writing. I love to write with the stream of conciousness. I think it's more interesting. More frank. Maybe a bit longer, because each thought pretty much goes down on paper. But it's more genuine, I think...more

ahhhh....NATURAL.

Cheers to that.